Diary Entry..8th october

Im writing this entry with a very heavy heart.Something which I alwaysthought not to be true is now a reality. Things between me n sunshine have reallychanged beyond imaginable dimensions. No matter how much I try to accept the factthat she is just busy, dats not the case. Her prirorty has always been her workas displayed by her past behavior in college and wid a new college ,she has again pproved it to be true. She has become much more adamant about her thinkin now.She complains that I dont understand her schedule, she complains that I dont call her upbut she has never thought over the fact that its always me who msgs her to initiate any kind of conversation. The only time that she msgd me was in the week after a heated debate over my health. Otherwise there have been so many msgsthat have not been replied for(and I am talkin about normal msgs),so many conversations left in between...and I...have been waiting like stupids for all those answers. It is high time that I accept the fact that she is just too too busy with her work and more importantlyher work is her priorty....over everything....If this is what she calls staying in touch,I wonder what could be staying out of touch...
It was a normal Tuesday and I started off my day normally. My last msg to her wason Saturday...which hasnt been replied yet...and msg was just asking her to let me help herwith her work....but no reply till tuesday morning....before saturday, our last conversation wason wednesday evening..which again ended when she stopped replying to a normal set of msgs....perhaps...as usual...she was TOO BUSY...The day wud have passed off normally....but something very unusual happened that day.I have a colleague in office named Amit.Ever since I have come to Delhi,he has been a good company to me...more because of the fact that out work is very interlinked....He has a family of four with a younger sister...It was just after the lunch that he recd a call from his mom,askin him toreach to his dad'd office..citing reason as dad's poor health....he was so tensed all of a sudden...he had told me about a day back only that his father is not doing too well....and today was ASTHMI...da last of navratrasand his dad has kept a fast along with the whole family....I asked him to relax and offered him to accompany him as he was very tensed.We left the office within next 10 mins and reached Udyog Bhavan in bout 15 mins time.The place was very close to my Dad's office and I thought I'll visit dad before going back to my office. BUt, there was something else waiting to greet us.....
As we closed down to the office building, we saw a huge crowd gathered outside the office complex....I dont know what all was he able to see as he was the pillion rider....but from my view,I could easily see a Police Van near the crowd.However, we had to enter from the gate which wasabout 200 meters before the crowd. As I took a left to enter the gate, he said, just park yourbike here and got off the bike to ask for his dad's office..We were told that we are supposed to go straight before turning left for a lift to be taken for 5th floor.We had barely walked about 100 meters, when an old gentleman intercepted us and asked him,"are you the son of mr kathuria?"...the answer from his side was affirmative...Amit asked...kya hua uncle?He didnt say anything and kept walking ahead after asking us to follow him...We were definately moving towards his dad's office..The Lift was already in sight and I knew that we'll be turning left now..But that old man kept on moving straight and turned right to come out of a black gate, a similar one from which we entered...We were now definately moving closer to the same crowd that I had seen...My heartwas beatin faster now....it was almost evident that his dad was not well and may be he is being taken to hospital....As we moved closer,the crowd parted and I realised we are not moving towards the ambulance, but somewhere in between..It was not too long before we found his dad lying in a pool of blood on the road.
I cant even describe what I went through at that moment...Amit was inconsolable....it took a coordinated effort for several policemen topull him out of his father's body....I have known his father personaly as well...It was during his bday party that I had met him at his home and his father impressed me a lot...he was a man of substance and a very cheerful manbut, the same man was lying motionless in front of my eyes with blood all around him....
It definately didnt seem to be an accident to me..for, there were 2 cars which were parked and his body was lying in between the parked cars...Soon,one of the police guy came to me and asked me who am I? I was scared like hell...not because there was police around,but because of the factthat I was surrounded by such a situation....I answerd saying I am a frnd of Amit..after a few more questions in his strict and crisp voice,the cop's voice dropped a little..and he said
"He has committed suicide!!!"
This was the last thing that was proably left in the day to make it a really bad day...I asked him..
"any note?any reasons?".."none as of now"..he replied..
I moved closer to where Amit was inconsolably crying...I had to tell him this....May be thats what the cop wanted..and he told me first before telling AM....He grapped my hand with all his force askin, what was cop saying....I had to tell him...
"Your dad jumped off window of his room on the 5th floor"
He was too shocked to say a word....There was a helplessness on his face...I wondered what was going thru his mind...he seemed so blank for a second....not a word was said by him...n he almost went mum,before tears rolled out again from his eyes....He hugged me tightly....and kept on cryin....
It was not too late that his mom arrived there...What all happened after that is something that I cant even write...I was feeling so down...so helpless....so strange...I cant pen down what all I went thru at that point of time....Hours passed by and the cops kept onperforming their duties...Statements of various passerbys were being noted etc etc...His other family membershad arrived my then...his chacha etc...they were all taking care of things around...
I was standing still near a car, just looking at the affair of the things, when I heard "Ankit"...I turned around and saw my dad around....Amit's father and my father somehow knew each other being in a closeoffice complex....he actually saw my bike parked near the building and came here looking for me....after I dint answer my cell phone...I cudnt control my tears seeing my dad around....I was not in a position to say anything....
Soon, the dead body was put into ambulance.It was supposedly to be sent to post mortem now....Amit and his family followed it in their cars, while I came to dad's office...I was still absent minded and quiet...trying to take hold of what has happened with me in last 4-5 hours....Dad adviced me not to drive today and travel with himin car to home....He arraqnged for my bike bein parked in office premises overnite and we left for home by about 5PM...I guess dad took an early leave from office to accompany me home....
Even after reaching home, I was not feeling well...I wanted to cry maybe...or wanted to share everythingwith someone...to lighten up myself....I took out my cellphone to do precisely that...There were some missed calls from megi...i dont know when she called...The next thing I did was dialled the number of Sunshine....I so much wanted to hear her voice....It was already long since I had my last word with her...and this whole episode had hit me like a missile...The bell rang and I waited for her to pick up her phone...The phone went unanswered....I dialled again....Complete rings....and the phone was unanswered....Perhaps...she was BUSY!!!!!
It was not untill evening of next day that I got a call from her....And that too was a formal call...she didnt had timeeven then...she was switching clases and bothered to call me in between..our conversation lasted for precisly 2 mins and 30 secsout of which, she spent more than half of the time talkin to some FRIEND of her in the class(putting me on hold)...
In the remaining time, all she said was her stereotype sentences and words....She had to gofor some event meeting..And even before I could say anything...the call was over....
Perhaps...She was too busy!!!
I still remember how she supported me when Priyanka's dad expired....and I know she would have done that again,may be not in the same fashion..but yes,she would have been there....but only if she had time to hear me..only if she had time out of her work....only if she had time..to console me....
Its dusshera tommorw....I will have to go for the cremation of uncle...whole india would celebrate....but Amit's familyhas lost all reasons to smile back....The very god on which he trusted him so much has taken away his dad....
ANd for me...it has been 2 hard days for me...I spent a motionless day in the office today...I still remember the eagerness with which I picked up Sunshine's phone....may be I wanted to say so much to her...but never got a chance!!!!
But its high time that I accept that she is no more there....I have to start coping with all my problems myself...I have to sttart living with her absence....or perhaps try not to die in her absence....
Perhaps....she is too busy!!!!
I know I wudnt be sharing this episode with anyone now....It will die inside me only....The images of that incident are stil hauntin me...