Life has taken a hair pin turn all of a sudden. As if it was not enough for me to cope up with my GMAT that I receive this. Life, has started moving on an all together different path. It was Wednesday the 10th of September. What could have ended up as a pretty ordinary day turned out to be more than eventful. I was checking out sites of various univs abroad for more info about the finance courses, when by chance I visited the site of HAAS once again. It was 14th of august, when my hopes of going to haas in 2009 were dashed. Because it was on this day only that I discovered that they have a March intake, deadline for which was expiring on 1st September. I still remember, I didn’t sleep that night cause for a moment it seemed to me that the whole idea of me applying n going abroad would fall into pieces and I would fail yet again in my life. But, life had something else planned for me. As I opened the site on 10th September, I discovered that the deadline had been extended to October 1st. For a moment I couldn’t believe what my eyes were seeing. I had given up all hopes on going to HAAS. Particularly because I couldn’t and wouldn’t wanna wait till March 2010, even though it is the best program to go to in US. And all of a sudden, I maybe had a chance to take a shot at march 2009 intake. And 20 days was all I had to try. I was not even sure whether I would even be able to manage it. There was so much to do…Essays, Recos, Presentation and TOEFL. I haven’t even started yet and there in front of my eyes stood an opportunity..testing me yet again in my life. I decided to give it a shot and immediately swung into action. I started contacting people, counselling houses, opened my online application and initiated the process. I don’t even know how good are my chances, for this univ has an avg work ex of 4 years…and I will have only 1.75 in case I go in march 2009. Leaving the thought aside, I went ahead, without thinking of the result. It was by the evening that a new thought crossed my mind and made me stand still…at a crossroad. The session would start on 24th march,2009 and that means, I would miss sunshine’s bday. I already have some plans to make her this bday most special. For all you know, I might not be even able to see her again in life, let alone wish her happy bday. I don’t know why my mind thought about such plans….but it did…long back….even before I decided to run away….I don’t know what to do…What’s more important for me? Of course she was the answer….then y r u running away was the next question? Coz I don’t wanna loose her….but you are doing that by going away…..may be ..I don’t know.
It has become really hectic these days. I have started taking classes for IELTS, which are held everyday from 7-10PM. I go to classes straight from my office and reach home by 10:30 or so. The day ends soon and next day begins too soon to even put me back on track…7AM next morning I wake up and follow the same schedule. I have lost the count of places I have visited in last week or so in this regard.
But that’s not all the change. Megi is going to trivandrum for at least a month on 24th September for her TCS training. In the recent past, she has been the only person who has supported me whenever she felt I needed someone to shoulder. It is all together a different story that she is able to judge that not even 10% of the times and am successful in hiding most of the times. Im gonna miss talking to her so much. We almost talk daily these days. I don’t know how many times I have shouted at her for no rhyme and reason. I just wish that she gets what she has been wanting for so long in her life.
And of course….my brother is going to aussie in about 26 hours from now. We are gonna be one member short for some time now. I have seen tears in mom’s eyes all through the week. It is so brave of her to allow me as well to go abroad…..My parents are gonna be all alone if I also go…this very thought stops me at times…makes me wanna stay back….in my mom’s arms….but I don’t know why I still keep moving on…may be im devoid of all the emotions…I have turned into a running machine….who knows only one thing…to succeed….But is it really a success that I am chasing? Or is it gonna be the biggest failure of my life, for which I’ll be throwing parties and getting appreciation?
Im racing against time….to beat myself…
Im fighting hard…….to defeat myself….
I don’t know what this race would bring to me,
But for the time being, Im keeping it all to myself….
Sunshine is busy as she has been in past few months and these days she is having her exams. And last time she even banged the phone on my face. I called her back thinking that it was a network problem, but it wasn’t...I shouted back at her and banged the phone back. I felt so bad after doing it. I didn’t speak a single word after that in office. And, when I stopped my bike at my home, my eyes were red….I have cried all the way to home….Asking myself again and again not to do so…But I just couldn’t control myself….I remember once megi did dis to me..and I didn’t talk to her for at least 3 days..even after her repeated sorries.....…for me..it is an insult…..Intentional or unintentional….i don’t like this….but I cant stay angry from my love….I miss her every second of my day….she is always on my mind when I go about my application process…I don’t know what I am doing or why Im doing this….
I just know one thing…
I still……love her
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